Don't Underestimate What It Takes

 

Harvey Milk, 1930 - 1978

We've arrived at the point where news of an active NBA player coming out as gay -- as Jason Collins did the other day -- is greeted with comments such as "This just is not a big deal" or "I don't understand why this is even a story." These remarks come from two directions, I think. One angle is meant to be dismissive, that is, the speaker is tired of hearing about gay people all the time, with all the seemingly special treatment they receive in the media. The second is meant to be supportive, as in, being gay doesn't make you a freak or sinner; you're human just like I am.

There's some merit to both perspectives, but I maintain that it actually is still a big deal, even with the great distance we've come. Don't underestimate the nerve -- and character -- it takes to come out of the closet even today. Perhaps a little imaginative empathy is in order. We know that in many environments, and for many precipitating reasons, there still is condemnation and contempt aimed at gay people. Even in supportive environments I believe the challenge remains, especially if you are a bit a older and have internalized the negative judgments as your own and practice a form of debilitating "self-talk." It's not just the possible loss of people in your life that looms, but also sometimes the loss of the sense of who you thought you were or wanted to be.

Harvey Milk and Andrew Sullivan insist that coming out is the key both to personal happiness social advancement around this issue. The more that people realize that gay people are among their trusted friends and family, the closer we get to legal and moral equality. Yes, this issue has moved so far, so fast, that a little "coming out fatigue" is not unreasonable. But for me, I will continue to see those who come out as exemplars of courage. It's a bit soon to take this all for granted.