The Hamburger Meditations

1. The key to a great hamburger is the bun. It must be completely fresh and not be so heavy that it competes with the meat.

2. No hamburger should cost more than 15 dollars. I don't care what celebrity chef made it.

3. Burger eateries are proliferating wildly at the same time food consciousness is on the rise. Are we at war with ourselves, between our better and worse angels?

4. You can be happy with veggie burgers as long as you never, ever taste a beef hamburger.

5. McDonald's hamburgers don't actually taste like hamburgers. They taste like "McDonald's hamburgers," which are delicious, but not identifiable as part of any food group.

6. There's no need for a hamburger to weigh more than 6 ounces, 8 at the very outside.

7. Cows just aren't good for the environment, so I should eat far fewer burgers.

8. Condiments and toppings: More is not better. Especially when the more includes a tasteless tomato, which can really drag the whole enterprise down.

9. Chuck Berry reminded us that the USA is "where hamburgers sizzle on an open grill night and day." Yep.