Not Going to Happen

Once you get to a certain age, you can see that certain things just won't be happening for you in your lifetime. This is called the wisdom of acceptance. Here's a few things I won't be doing:

1. Calling anyone "nigga"
2. Jumping out of an airplane
3. Learning to appreciate Bob Dylan's late-career singing voice
4. Reading a James Patterson "novel"
5. Becoming a foodie
6. Caring deeply about entertainment awards